Why your baby is not sleeping
All parents are aware that bringing a baby home means less sleep. We know our babies are bound to wake throughout the night but at some point we expect to see them sleeping through the night or at least doing long stretches. So why isn’t your baby sleeping?
There are three main reasons why your child isn’t sleeping well:
Your child has a dependent sleep association
Your child is overtired
Age
1 Sleep Associations
A sleep association is anything your child depends on to fall asleep. There are independent and dependent sleep associations. The dependent sleep associations are ones that cannot be performed by the baby but rather an outside source.
Dependent
Nursing or bottle feeding baby to sleep
Rocking, bouncing, patting to sleep
Swings, strollers, car rides
Sleeping next to the baby or inside the baby’s crib/bed
Pacifier that baby cannot reinsert on their own
Independent
Singing, humming, talking
Sucking on their thumb, fingers, or pacifier
Rocking themselves side-to-side
Kicking or shaking their feet/legs
Using a lovey to rub their cheeks
Children who rely on a dependent sleep association to fall asleep will require it each time they wake at night.
Children, and all humans, wake multiple times a night as they transition from one sleep cycle to the next. Depending on age, sleep cycles can last anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours. When we transition from one sleep cycle to the next we wake briefly and then go back to sleep to start or next sleep cycle.Babies who are dependent on and outside force normally won’t go back to sleep without that outside element they depend on. This makes perfect sense when we apply it to our own life. Most of us require a pillow and blanket to go to sleep. If we wake as we transition from one sleep cycle to the next and our pillow and blanket have been removed (let’s say it fell on the floor) we most likely won’t go back to sleep. We will wake fully in search of the pillow and blanket. This is no different for babies. If they go to sleep with outside help (bottle, nursing, bouncing) and they wake to find that it’s missing they won't transition into the next sleep cycle. They’ll fully wake and call out to get that same help they had at bedtime.
Children who learn to fall asleep independently at bedtime are 3 times less likely to wake at night.
2 Your child is overtired
When children become overtired they have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep. Their bodies produce a stress hormone called cortisol to help fight the fatigue. Cortisol is what helps wake us up in the morning. It’s like a small adrenaline rush to get us moving. So imagine your child trying to relax and sleep when their bodies are amped from this hormone. This is where their ‘second wind’ comes from.
It doesn’t take much for your child to reach the overtired stage.
A bedtime that’s too late
Unconsolidated night sleep
Short naps (less than one hour)
Wake windows are too long (watch those sleepy cues)
Not enough daytime activity
Inconsistent schedule
Unconsolidated night sleep usually stems from the reliance of dependent sleep associations. Each time your child wakes at night and needs your help they miss out on that much needed sleep. As little as twenty minutes of missed sleep each night can cause the child to accumulate a sleep debt causing their bodies to secrete cortisol.
Start by transitioning your child from dependent sleep associations to independent and you’ll see a drastic improvement. Then work on the rest
3 Age
In the newborn stages (0 to 4 months) your baby’s sleep might not be fully consolidated. Starting at 6 weeks of age a child’s night sleep begins to lengthen. They’re capable of doing a 4-6 hour stretch at night. That stretch will continue to grow each week until your child reaches 4 months. It’s at this point that all babies are capable of doing a 10-12 hour stretch at night.
This won’t magically happen unless the above factors are in a good spot. Start with night sleep and move to day sleep and expect a minimum of 2 weeks to get it all in order.
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